I grew up in a Christian church. My mom taught Sunday school; my dad played Michelangelo to our pastor’s Pope Julius. I never questioned my faith, nor did I ever really think about it much. Until the day our married pastor’s multiple affairs with female church members was uncovered. He resigned in disgrace; the church was rocked. My dad was really shaken. It was 1986, and it was the first time a fellow Christian challenged my faith.

We didn’t know it then, but our pastor was at the forefront of a national trend there in the late 1980’s: Jimmy Swaggart, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, Peter Popoff. Seems like the televangelists just make it harder to be a Christian, much less try to convince others to become one. Every time I feel like I’m making some headway with my agnostic husband, Pat Robertson makes some ridiculous pronouncement about 9/11 being the fault of American homosexuals or the Haiti earthquake being the result of a pact with the devil (CBS News, 1/14/10).

Sadly, I have noticed for several years now that it’s not the “threats” from outside my inherited religion that really make me scratch my head. I have Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and Unitarian Universalist friends. I have atheist friends. I’m married to an agnostic. I can have wonderful, thoughtful, respectful conversations with them. We do not proselytize or try to convert one another, but what we usually discover is that, despite our different faiths (or lack thereof), we have a lot in common.

On the other hand, the nastiest, most paranoid, angriest conversations I have had about religion have been with people who supposedly share my faith. For example, this semester I had a student who introduced himself to me on the first day as “a very conservative Christian.” I told him we should probably get along well then, for I was a Christian too. But that wasn’t enough for this young man. He wanted to know which church I attended, and when I told him it was an Episopalian church, he made his pronouncement: “Ooooooh, that’s too liberal.” He then spent the rest of the semester spewing his anger, paranoia and hate in every direction: “Buddhists are going to hell.” “I hate those Chinese guys.” “Hindus and Muslims are going to hell.” “I’m ready to fight for my God.” “The Bible says women who cut their hair are going to hell.” That last one he gave me after I told him about two of my girlfriends who did the St. Baldrick’s event, shaving their heads to show their support for their mother who was going through chemotherapy. Such a sweet, sensitive soul, right? I am a professional; I am a Christian. I turned the other cheek and said almost nothing.

Then there was the Christian missionary who cyber-stalked me for a couple weeks, sending me progressively angry e-mails via Facebook because I did not agree with his stance on the healthcare reform bill. “You show me where in the Bible it says I have to pay my taxes to pay other people’s doctor bills.” I guess he had a point. Jesus never mentioned doctor bills in the New Testament. I am pretty sure he did say, “Pay your taxes” (Matthew 22:21) and also “You can’t take it with you” (Matthew 19:23-24). For a missionary to be that angry about his taxes and about helping others really shook me up a bit.

Another regular challenge to my faith comes from a friend of my mother. This woman, whom I will call Louise, is, well, insane. I’m not sure how else to say it. But she is active in her church which is pretty good cover for her instability. In fact, her church probably appreciates it because she’s loaded, having inherited millions from her late husband. Louise can talk at you for an hour without taking a breath. One day when I was visiting my parents, Louise called, and I answered the phone. I said, “Hello,” and then spent the next ten minutes listening to all her theories: Hillary Clinton is a lesbian, Barack Obama was a secret Muslim terrorist, and all the media outlets except Fox are run by Muslims. My mom says I’m hypercritical of Louise because of her right-wing politics, but I’ve assured my mom that if any of my liberal friends ever tells me that Sarah Palin is actually a member of the KKK or Mitt Romney wants to turn all of America into a Mormon theocracy, I’ll tell them they’re insane too.

So today I got a flyer in my mailbox from the local Assembly of God congregation. It invited me to a four-part series called “The Future of America.” The lectures were titled “United We Stand, Divided We Fall: America’s March Toward Socialism,” “The Death of the Dollar: Will the American Economy Recover?” “Homosexuality: Exposing the Truth Behind the Facades,” And “National Security & Islam in the U.S.: Do You Know Your Neighbor?” My first response was laughter, but then I got nervous, and then angry myself. The inflammatory language on this little flyer - “socialism,” “death,” “exposing,” “security”- and the paranoid rhetoric - “Do you know your neighbor?” - made me wonder exactly what the purpose of a Christian church is. This thing was addressed to “Our Neighbor.” They don’t know me. I might be an agnostic, a lost soul or a Christian who has lost her way. What am I going to make of these titles? I have Muslim neighbors; they probably got this unsolicited trash too. Above the title of the lecture on Islam is a picture of fighter planes. Well, I’m sure that makes my Muslim neighbors comfortable. Not to mention the fury that homosexuality title evoked in me, a lifelong Christian who happens to have many dear gay friends who are not scary or dangerous or hiding anything which more than I can say for the BTK killer who was straight, a church member and Scout leader. How’s that for a facade?

Anyway, it’s a worrisome time for Christians, especially those of us who can’t embrace the almighty dollar, don’t despise all politicians or love toting guns and shooting at people who look different from us. I cling to a few of my Christian heroes: my friend Erik, a local pastor, who organizes new churches in inner-city communities. Frank Schaeffer, son of the theologian and missionary Francis Schaeffer. Fr. Jim Martin, who is actually the unofficial chaplain of “The Colbert Report.” And Reverend C. Welton Gaddy, a Baptist minister who heads up the Interfaith Alliance. The good Christians are out there. Sometimes they’re just harder to find because of all the idiots making so much noise. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I have to admit it: the Tea Party knows how to get attention.

It certainly has mine. They scare me to death!

I’ve been listening to their rhetoric since long before they “organized,” and it has always creeped me out. See, I’m surrounded by right-wing conservatives. I live in Indiana. My parents are Republicans, and many of their friends are even more right-leaning than they are. They are all concerned that I no longer share their views. They are certain I’ve been brain-washed, although by whom, they aren’t sure. Probably all those academic elitists I work with at the university, even though I actually started moving away from the GOP when I was working for a very conservative financial services company. Anyway, to counteract the scary liberal influences that have drawn me from the path of righteousness, they send me e-mails, talk down to me as directed by Ann Coulter and shake their heads at my responses.

I’ve shared a few of these e-mails on this blog before, but I don’t think I’ve ever documented the ridiculous phone “conversation” I had with a friend of my mother. I was at my parents’ house, and the phone rang. I picked it up and said hello. When my mom’s friend realized it was me, she proceeded to spend the next several minutes explaining to me that Hillary Clinton was a lesbian, Barack Obama was a secret Muslim terrorist, and all the media outlets except Fox are run by Muslims. Oh, and Obama is the anti-Christ. I called my mother to the phone.

So now, my mom’s crazy friend and thousands of other older, white, middle-class folks like her have put together these “tea parties.” Just the name annoys me. I have lovely little tea parties with my 4-year-old where we dress up and use my good wedding china and eat tiny sandwiches and drink tea. It’s very civilized and sweet. Nothing about today’s tea parties is civilized or sweet. I know that they are trying to make some vague connection to the Boston Tea Party of 1773, but their logic is not working for me.

The 1773 Boston Tea Party was a demonstration against an imperial power. The colonists were unhappy that the king, a monarch who was not elected by anyone, was taxing them from across an ocean without their having any representation in the British Parliament. Their rallying cry was “No Taxation Without Representation!” Well, aside from the fact that today’s Tea Partiers do not live in a colony ruled by a remote monarchy, there is also the problem that the taxes to which they are opposed were passed by duly elected representatives. This is taxation WITH representation. (Although, to be honest, I haven’t actually seen any of these taxes yet.)
But they don’t like it. They say THEY didn’t vote for the people passing these laws, so they haven’t been represented. Newsflash, Tea Party folk: just because it’s a representative democracy, doesn’t mean your side always wins. Thank goodness.

So they gather in public squares and parks and scream inflammatory rhetoric about God and guns and gangsters (”Tea Party Rally Upbraids ‘Gangster’ Government,” Associated Press, 4/15/10). “I’m clinging to my guns, my religion and my ammunition,” exclaims one Republican candidate at a recent protest. Really? God and guns? I’m sorry, but I must’ve missed that part of the New Testament where Jesus advocated violent overthrow of the Roman occupiers. Or where he told his followers NOT to pay taxes. What I remember is: “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s.” Which sounds a lot to me like: “Pay your taxes and quit complaining. You can’t take it with you to Heaven anyway!”

Tea Partiers insist they aren’t violent or extreme; they’re just good Christian Americans upholding their rights. Patrolling the perimeters of tea party rallies in camouflage, carrying AK-47s to defend the protest against “the left-wing nut jobs out there” (”Tea Party Rally Upbraids ‘Gangster’ Government,” Associated Press, 4/15/10). I’m sorry, who are the gangsters again?

These people frighten me because they are inordinately, illogically angry. And they have guns. Big guns that they like to wave in people’s faces. Not a good combination.

It doesn’t make sense that they are this angry NOW. If they really are upset about the federal debt, why didn’t they love Clinton? Why didn’t they demonstrate against George W. Bush who took Clinton’s $236 billion surplus and turned it into a trillion-dollar deficit by playing fast and loose with the accounting for the Iraq War.

If they’re angry about gun rights, why take it out on Obama who has not proposed a single gun control bill?

If they’re angry about their Constitutional rights, why didn’t have a hissy fit over Bush’s warrantless wiretapping or suspension of habeas corpus?

What really changed to make them so angry? Well, I’m just judging from my own experience with these folks, and that is a dangerous thing to do. Extrapolating from your own narrow experience can often lead to logical fallacies. Stupid stuff like: “It’s snowing here in Cincinnati in March, so global warming is a hoax.” So reader, beware, the following is just my opinion, but here are the changes I see.
First, the recession. I could blame it on George W. Bush or the Republican Congress, but it’s more complicated than that, and its causes don’t really matter here. It happened, and the recession changed a lot of things. It made people unhappy and anxious.

Second, the Democratic Congress. Most of the Tea Partiers are current or former GOP voters. They don’t trust Democrats in Congress, even if they haven’t done much with their power. A Democratic Congress makes these people upset.

Third, a Democratic president. Most of the Tea Partiers did not vote for Barack Obama. These people lost the election. They did not share our joy when he walked into Millennium Park on election night. Losing makes most people angry.

Finally, a black president. There’s just no getting around it. The first African-American president is a big change for our nation, and a lot of people are furious about it. Now you can make some pie-in-the-sky argument about how his race has nothing to do with the anger of the Tea Partiers, but before you do, take a look at Stormfront.org. If you’re not familiar with this group, consider yourself lucky. They are a white supremacist group that happens to own the domain rights to martinlutherking.org, a website I have used for years when teaching my students about information literacy and the dangers of believing everything you read on the Internet. Obviously, Stormfront hates President Obama. But they have of other things in common with the Tea Party - love of guns, distrust of the government in general, hatred of taxes.

Now my conservative and libertarian friends hate it when this race issue comes up, but the fact remains: I have yet to see a black person at a Tea Party rally. Show me three. Not just one token, but three separate people of color at a Tea Party function. Then maybe I’ll be less anxious about this situation.

According to one Tea Party activist, “”We don’t want to be misrepresented, whether it’s by someone who is not part of the group and has their own agenda, or whether it’s by some fringe extremist who may actually be a racist” (”Tea Party Leaders Anxious About Extremists,” Associated Press, 4/15/10). So the Tea Partiers are anxious? Good. I have a bit of advice for them: “Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation” - George Washington.

If your message appeals to racists and militias and crazy fringe groups, maybe the problem is the message itself. Stop using this frightening rhetoric. Stop waving your guns around. Stop threatening our duly elected officials and throwing rocks through their windows like a bunch of Nazi brownshirts during Kristellnacht (”Former militiaman unapologetic for calls to vandalize offices over healthcare,” Washington Post, 3/25/10). Engage in the democratic process established by the founding fathers you claim to revere. Follow their example. Go ahead. But not just by hanging tea bags to your hats and calling yourselves “modern Sons of Liberty.” Be really brave and engage in the dialogue. Civilly. And preferably, without an AK-47.